Speech! (The Big Two
It is me again, Person. And I still have a suckish job, but not so much a life anymore because my dad took me to the zoo! He said “You acted very mature about it and didn’t make fun of hardly any of the animals.” He said hardly because I told an ant that it wasn’t cool enough to be locked up in a cage. It wasn’t all that funny cuz then it took my sandwich. My mom was still totally against it, but once she got the report from my dad she said I can even go bowling now! All my friends are jealous… Well if I had friends they would be jealous cuz I don’t have to go to school this year. My mom is going to home school me… but there are some down sides to that, like never getting to feed grass to the alligator next to the school. I almost lost my favorite hat because of that alligator, but I loved it. And now I am going to go to the bathroom because it is important to get a lot of sleep and read a lot. If I could be a duck I totally would because ducks are quacky… plus they can roll water off their feathers, and that is pretty awesome. If I ever got attacked by pencils I would turn into a polar bear ninja and whip their tushi’s with licorice. Once I stepped on a lollipop and I screamed and then an apple-monkey fish went “I love it when I get to visit you guys!” and of course we all had a party and THEN we ran and screamed for our lives. I have been in a lot of natural disasters. The best one that I’ve been in is when I was in that hurnadoquake. I had pink cotton candy, and you can probably see where this is going…(pause)… well then, I saved the world because of the pink kind. Well I guess I should say TICK-TOK ON THE CLOCK BUT THE PARTY DON’T STOP!!! Sorry, I am practicing for the talent show. I don’t know if screaming is a talent, but I sure am good at it. Is that the president eating olives? Why is he in my house??? STALKER!!!!!!! AHHHH!!... OMG! It’s a freaking piece of toast! Why do people think that monkeys are smart? They are the animals that are most like humans. And I am living proof that humans aren’t smart. My mom thought I got Botox once… WHAT THE FREAK IS A BOTOX??!!! I thought she was talking about my butt. Ooooh!!!!! And the talking rabbit started singing and I was like “Dude, you’re a talking rabbit, why are you singing?” Then I found out talking rabbits don’t exist. So I started screaming. After that I tried to eat it (after all it doesn’t exist) and then it started screaming. OOOOHHH!!!! One time (I don’t know why, but) my pencil started yelling at me. So I was like “Stop yelling at me you stupid pencil!!” Hehe my aunt was there with me so she was giving me really funny looks and she was shaking her head. She said she was going to take me to a place with people like me, and that made me say “You know that there isn’t anybody like me.” And then she said “YES, CUZ YOU’RE CRAZY!!” I just laughed and went back to counting my socks.
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